Messages for Discussion About Being Married

Communication is as vital to being married as blood is to the body. Without enough blood the body will die. A couple that doesn’t know how to communicate with understanding will see their relationship wither away. Francis of Assisi said, “Seek first to understand and then to be understood.”

Being married is a very dynamic existence. The issues to be faced and the focus of communication will change depending on the situation. It is possible that meaningful communication will take place at one time but will be more difficult or stifled at another.

The objective in presenting these messages for discussion is to provide you a focus around which to dialogue with your spouse about topics related to being married. It is hoped that this focus might serve as an aid in building personal insight and in better understanding the dynamics of the relationship. A series of fifty-two weekly messages for discussion has been developed to serve as a guide for focused communication with your partner. These messages cover a wide range of topics and incorporate opportunities for reading and meditation, along with discussion, as a way to enhance your overall experience and learning.

There is an assumption that underlies each of these weekly messages. Time tested truth, which is being referred to as Core Truth, exists about how human beings can best relate to one another. A reliable source for Core Truth is the Bible. For this reason, specific passages from biblical Scripture are provided to support each of the fifty-two discussions with the hope that the relevance of Core Truth to being married will be demonstrated.

Core Truth asserts that love is the driving force of life and the means by which we as human beings nurture one another. Nowhere is real love—where the welfare of others is equal to what we desire for ourselves—more necessary or more evident than in being married. Nowhere is the way to love others better represented than in the Bible.

Sometimes this Core Truth becomes obscured by what you may have come to believe about yourself and life in general. We have all developed controlling Core Beliefs about how to stay safe, how to be valued, and how to stay in control. Sometimes these Core Beliefs come out of bad information or from trauma, resulting in distorted views about self-preservation and limiting our ability to judge the needs of others. Some of the experiences or impressions create what is being termed a Core Wound to the personality.

Left alone, a Core Wound can support a Core Lie which can distort relationships and cause a misinterpretation of life circumstances. A Core Lie can damage the ability of any of us to actually sense and appropriately respond to the needs of those around us. Persistent thoughts that you are unworthy, under a threat, incapable, or undesirable (just to mention a few of the possibilities) can all result in troubled relationships because of an inaccurate self-perception and a false interpretation of how to best relate to others.

It is hoped that by working through the fifty-two weekly discussions you and your spouse can sort out and understand more about how your life views and personal beliefs are impacting your ability to understand and value one another. It is hoped that you will recognize the many ways in which the Bible speaks to the important aspects of building relationships, loving others, and being married.

You may have a preference to group the reading and discussion of these 52 messages by their common topic. Listed below are the ten general topic areas covered in these discussions:

  1. PARTNERSHIP: Weeks 3, 4, 5, 25, 40
  2. FOUNDATION: Weeks 8, 9, 10, 31, 46, 48
  3. COMMUNICATION: Weeks 7, 14, 16, 20, 41, 49
  4. COMPATIBILITY: Weeks 17, 43, 44, 45, 47, 52
  5. CONFLICT: Weeks 1, 2, 32, 34
  6. SEX: Weeks 33, 35, 36, 37
  7. CHILDREN: Weeks 21, 22, 23, 30, 38
  8. TRAITS OR ATTRIBUTES: Weeks 11, 12, 24, 26, 39, 50
  9. WISDOM: 13, 15, 27, 28, 51
  10. SCRIPTURAL: Weeks 6, 18, 19, 29, 42

The following are a few suggestions you may want to consider that will complement your completion of the 52 weekly discussions:

Day 1: Each of you read the message and refer to the biblical passages if you wish.
Day 2: Each of you meditate on the message and focus on what it is saying to you.
Day 3: Discuss the message together along with your thoughts.
Day 4: Journal your reflections about what you have learned.
Day 5: Think about how you might incorporate what you have learned into your relationship.
Day 6: Recommit yourself to being married.
Day 7: Rest and listen to your thoughts.

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