Coaching: Marriage Matters Marriage is an emotionally charged relationship that comes with high (and oftentimes unrealistic) expectations. While high expectations can result in misunderstandings and hurt feelings, learning how to constructively push through these inevitable confrontations can become one of the keys to maintaining a fulfilling and joyful marriage.

Each person who enters into a marriage relationship brings deeply held, often unconscious beliefs and expectations about what they need to feel safe and secure, to feel valued and loved, to feel a sense of personal power and control. When a person’s unconscious, self-protecting beliefs and unrealistic expectations are driving their thoughts and actions, hurtful things can be said and regrettable behavior can occur. When you or your spouse are being driven by unconscious beliefs and are reacting instead of listening and responding appropriately during a confrontation, trespasses and tension are bound to occur.

Experiencing conflict is a natural part of life. Marriage is an ideal setting for two individuals to engage in the constructive confrontations that will result in self-discovery and personal growth. Marriage can be one of the most enriching relationships on earth where a husband and wife can discover and process how their beliefs and behaviors are impacting the way they see and relate to themselves and others.

While it can be challenging to have a confrontation result in a constructive outcome, the time and effort invested toward this end will pay great dividends. Where else but within the covenant promise of a marriage relationship might there be the honest desire and commitment to intimately know, help, forgive and carry on with another person despite the circumstance?

Marriage is a gift, because it is a vehicle for growth and maturity. Marriage is where familiarity, proximity, frequency, and opportunity can operate in unison to reveal (and often heal) a person’s Core Beliefs, expose the Core Lie, heal the Core Wound, and discover the Core Truth.

When a couple makes an honest effort to learn about their innermost thoughts, feelings, expectations, wounds, and sensitivities, they will experience the clarity, purpose, and harmony that will better equip them to cultivate and maintain an atmosphere of mutual understanding and compassion, which are some of the major ingredients to a long and satisfying marriage.

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Some things to do for the week

Day 2: Reflect on the message and scripture reading; journal if you like
Day 3: Pray for or meditate on what you think you need
Day 4: Discuss the message and scripture with your spouse
Day 5: Plan how you can best respond to the message
Day 6: Rest; don’t think about the message or the scripture; listen in the stillness
Day 7: Recommit yourself to your marriage

Applicable scripture listed under Discussion References.